Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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