OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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