I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
