So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
