made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The adults are the big ones right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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