While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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