A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
