i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
