bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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