I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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