My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
