On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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