He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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