R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
