i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
