All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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