Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
