It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
