is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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