Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Success! We fucked roommates!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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