Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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