Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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