seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
