Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
