9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
