The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
