I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
