i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
