last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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