You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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