I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
