I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize