This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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