I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize