Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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