your parents love me but you hate me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
