the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
