What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
