was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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