Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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