I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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