The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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