Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
