I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
