Where is the hickey?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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