Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
