the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
