I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
