I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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