i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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