your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
