I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
