I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
