My first STD was from a foam party
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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