As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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