Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
