Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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