He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need to rekindle our bromance
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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