At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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