I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We just shotgunned beers for America
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I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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