woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
