just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
