we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
