come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
